Monday, May 5, 2008

What have you been up to?

In 20 minutes I'll be studying for a Political Theory final, philosophy is the only thing about politics I enjoy. Who will be the next speaker of the house or the amount of money spent on education is just not that interesting to me. So there's that, and the comic book.
I'm really into writing that. I've got the rough draft done and a couple of scenes crudely drawn.
A friend (hopefully I can still call him that, something just seemed off to me) gave me a blip of advice that helped a lot.
"It doesn't have to be a then this happened, then this, then this ect." Well hot damn, really?
I joke, but unfortunately my mind was a tad stuck and I needed to hear that.
Someone I slept with is only 22. I didn't know this. It's been bothering me for awhile. Not wake me up in the night type of thing, but it just made me feel foolish. Even if he has already accomplished more than I have at almost 24, I'm still shocked I would have ever considered him. I don't mean that I would never have slept with him, I'm no closer to understanding the gravity of a sexual interaction or my own choices, but I can't believe I thought something more substantial could have been there. Even now, at 24 I go back and forth in my mind between being completely alone and free to the desire to remain in the comfort and love that I have now. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be ready to have babies, get married and shop at places that combine all of needs? I'm just too restless (or reckless) of a person.
And why do we stay in relationships? Could you not have companionship without monogamy? Is it even fucking about that? Or do we do it to be safe, to protect our bodies and our minds?
I have hard time believing the meaning of life lies in a bed shared by two people, but I don't think you'll get it in one shared by twenty either.
My dad asked me recently if I felt bad about ALL of my friends graduating and getting married. Initially all I could think about is how it's really hard for me to pronounce "graduating" even though I have to say so often at work.